“We all change, when you think about it, we’re all different people; all through our lives, and that’s okay, that’s good you’ve gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember when The Doctor was me.”
The Doctor, Doctor Who.
You know how you’re first marriage at 22 years old ends up a fail?
Yet you remember you loved him and you were so in love and you’ll always love him. And whatever the disaster, you’ll always have the little moments, those loud sudden laughs, those sun-kissed youthful memories and evenings spent staring into each others eyes. And his six pack.
That is certainly a thing, but somehow i’m still 17, never been married and its 03:19 in the night.
Life. Life is made up off those little moments. You might have gone to a Star Trek casting call and you might have traveled hours to reach there and emptied your wallet and finally never give the casting call because of somewhere you had to be, but you also met a really nice person who will forever be held in your memory.
Yes, that happened.
When you look back at who you were, you see those little things you were made up off, those memories of late midnight car trips and bad dad jokes. This is what i was made off:
When i was small (still, actually), i had a huge obsession and craving for mazes. I loved him. I loved them to death. As soon as my mother brought me a maze book, I’d get to it and finish it off. I did every maze that stepped inside the perimeter of my house. I love the puzzle to them, i love how you can map them inside your head and it fits perfectly and a finished maze is the best feeling of accomplishment ever.
The day i stepped out of the womb, I was a reader. My mum read to me as a baby, she brought me books, she showed me pictures and words filled with stories.
And so began my journey. Of reading the same books a hundred times, of reading aloud, of reading in bed and of more reading. I very distinctly remember being a little me reading my mum a recipe book in the kitchen while she did her stuff. I remember being the cliché child who woke up too early on weekends and awoke my parents and took over their bed to read some Mr. Meddle. I remember my mum, me and my sister being so excited about a picture book called ‘The tiger who came to tea’, i got from school.I had the book for a week and even though my 3 years younger sister could read perfectly and my mum was obviously her age, we poured over that book a million times.
Years later, we still talk about it. And we all still love the book.
Hiding in malls
We were quite the mall going family. My parents would shop and me and my sister would hide. We’d hide in the clothes (we were tiny) and we’d hide from each other and we’d hide from our parents. But we were always watching our parents(?).
Washing the dishes standing on a bench
Some things are just so timeless! Just yesterday, I did the same thing (minus the bench)!
I’d stand on a bench to make myself higher and rinse the dishes my mum passed while hearing my mum tell stories or discussing adult-y things with my mum. Yes, I was quite the good kid.
Epic cleaning and decorating our house
I remember, once we were cleaning the house and i suddenly decided that wouldn’t it be nice if i placed my toys all around the house covering every inch of the wall border. My mum did not like this idea very much. Never the less, i still did it and halfway through the second room and out of small toys, I was extremely proud, yet i came to realize that this was indeed a terrible idea. #mumisalwaysright.
Disney movie collection
You know that thing you have which brings every other kid of envy and you to maternal pride?
This was it for me.
I’d even go to that far saying that it was my CD case that brought me the most pride. It was the start of my newly acquired possessiveness over my things. It was the coolest CD box ever. It was transparent purple in colour and the CD’s stood standing and they had buttons so that i could choose the exact CD and it would come out for me. It was a pop out CD case and i loved it. It also has a sheet of paper where i was to write down the CD name so i could match it with the number to choose it.
My dad brought it for me and i don’t think i will ever forget how excited over that box while my father showed me the controls and then i carefully put my CD’s in it.
This is the one that gave me a nick name. It was certainly peculiar, tired my parents endlessly and i had no idea why i did it. It was the silliest of things. I would take a spoon of the food and put it in my mouth and never chew it. I would just literally keep it in my mouth. My parents would keep telling me to chew. I was extremely tireless.
I had that one pair of jeans, I wore everywhere. I wore them everywhere. At home, out and wherever. I’m very happy that young me took good fashion choices but i don’t think i’d ever like to see those jeans.
Play on weekends
On the first day of weekend, after lunch, my parents would take a nap and our weekly cleaner would come. My sister and me, almost never slept afternoons. Instead we played. Either one of us sat on the swing and the other skated in the intervals. Other times we would go down to cycle. Or sometimes we would just silly play. Especially when our cleaner would hang all the chairs on the dining table upside down and move the sofa’s and mop. Kids at their best.
Stupid fights with my sister
Need i say more?
Get ready for some history!
For my early childhood, I had the cutest boy cut. I was adorable and you knew it.
Next was the customary fountain pony stage. Everyone commented on it.
After this, I don’t remember what cut i had. But then i remember i had shoulder length hair and i made my dad cut me bangs because my friend did it.
Then my hair grey in various stages. After it was pretty long (but not so long), i decided to get a step cut. I moved to another place and cut my hair short again. Then i grew it once more. Then i got side bangs.
And then i cut it VERY short. It was manic pixie and i loved-hated it. I didn’t quite have the handle on my hair yet and puberty but i loved short hair.
From then, every year I’d go on another crazy cut. I’d have crazy impulses and do it all over.
Then one year, I decided to shave half my head!That was by far the best idea yet because I hadn’t asked my parents yet! —- My dad walked in on my sister doing the deed and he freaked out. The next day, I loved it and the begrudgingly they accepted it.
That was the early days of this year. From then, I’ve gone through an extreme want for blunt bangs but i have controlled myself. But as my personality and hair cutting impulses always shine through, I’m about to cut my hair this week! So.Excited.
About my shaved head, well, i’m still growing out of it and it is currently in the spiky weird stage and needs gel. I don’t regret it for once second.
It is now 04:25 and i don’t see the point of sleeping.
(that’s probably the hair cut I’m getting)
I know that sometimes life doesn’t really go the way we wanted it to go. But rather than where we are, It’s the journey that mattered. Never forget who you were because you owe your current self to that person. And never be ashamed, because life is not a thing to be ashamed about! Life is to be lived and cherished! So don’t waste these moments.
[By now, I’ve been awake too long to form coherent thoughts. It’s time to sleep. The drugs have been exhausted.]
Whatever it may be, know that i was writing this with a smile.