we’re reeling through the midnight streets

“We all change, when you think about it, we’re all different people; all through our lives, and that’s okay, that’s good you’ve gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember when The Doctor was me.”

The Doctor, Doctor Who.

You know how you’re first marriage at 22 years old ends up a fail?

Yet you remember you loved him and you were so in love and you’ll always love him. And whatever the disaster, you’ll always have the little moments, those loud sudden laughs, those sun-kissed youthful memories and evenings spent staring into each others eyes. And his six pack.

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That is certainly a thing, but somehow i’m still 17, never been married and its 03:19 in the night.

Life. Life is made up off those little moments. You might have gone to a Star Trek casting call and you might have traveled hours to reach there and emptied your wallet and finally never give the casting call because of somewhere you had to be, but you also met a really nice person who will forever be held in your memory.

Yes, that happened.

When you look back at who you were, you see those little things you were made up off, those memories of late midnight car trips and bad dad jokes. This is what i was made off:

Mazes

When i was small (still, actually), i had a huge obsession and craving for mazes. I loved him. I loved them to death. As soon as my mother brought me a maze book, I’d get to it and finish it off. I did every maze that stepped inside the perimeter of my house. I love the puzzle to them, i love how you can map them inside your head and it fits perfectly and a finished maze is the best feeling of accomplishment ever.

Enid Blyton

The day i stepped out of the womb, I was a reader. My mum read to me as a baby, she brought me books, she showed me pictures and words filled with stories.

And so began my journey. Of reading the same books a hundred times, of reading aloud, of reading in bed and of more reading. I very distinctly remember being a little me reading my mum a recipe book in the kitchen while she did her stuff. I remember being the cliché child who woke up too early on weekends and awoke my parents and took over their bed to read some Mr. Meddle. I remember my mum, me and my sister being so excited about a picture book called ‘The tiger who came to tea’, i got from school.I had the book for a week and even though my 3 years younger sister could read perfectly and my mum was obviously her age, we poured over that book a million times.

Years later, we still talk about it. And we all still love the book.

Hiding in malls

We were quite the mall going family. My parents would shop and me and my sister would hide. We’d hide in the clothes (we were tiny) and we’d hide from each other and we’d hide from our parents. But we were always watching our parents(?).

Washing the dishes standing on a bench

Some things are just so timeless! Just yesterday, I did the same thing (minus the bench)!

I’d stand on a bench to make myself higher and rinse the dishes my mum passed while hearing my mum tell stories or discussing adult-y things with my mum. Yes, I was quite the good kid.

Epic cleaning and decorating our house

I remember, once we were cleaning the house and i suddenly decided that wouldn’t it be nice if i placed my toys all around the house covering every inch of the wall border. My mum did not like this idea very much. Never the less, i still did it and halfway through the second room and out of small toys, I was extremely proud, yet i came to realize that this was indeed a terrible idea. #mumisalwaysright.

Disney movie collection

You know that thing you have which brings every other kid of envy and you to maternal pride?

This was it for me.

I’d even go to that far saying that it was my CD case that brought me the most pride. It was the start of my newly acquired possessiveness over my things. It was the coolest CD box ever. It was transparent purple in colour and the CD’s stood standing and they had buttons so that i could choose the exact CD and it would come out for me. It was a pop out CD case and i loved it. It also has a sheet of paper where i was to write down the CD name so i could match it with the number to choose it.

My dad brought it for me and i don’t think i will ever forget how excited over that box while my father showed me the controls and then i carefully put my CD’s in it.

Not chewing

This is the one that gave me a nick name. It was certainly peculiar, tired my parents endlessly and i had no idea why i did it. It was the silliest of things. I would take a spoon of the food and put it in my mouth and never chew it. I would just literally keep it in my mouth. My parents would keep telling me to chew. I was extremely tireless.

Jean obsession

I had that one pair of jeans, I wore everywhere. I wore them everywhere. At home, out and wherever. I’m very happy that young me took good fashion choices but i don’t think i’d ever like to see those jeans.

Play on weekends

On the first day of weekend, after lunch, my parents would take a nap and our weekly cleaner would come. My sister and me, almost never slept afternoons. Instead we played. Either one of us sat on the swing and the other skated in the intervals. Other times we would go down to cycle. Or sometimes we would just silly play. Especially when our cleaner would hang all the chairs on the dining table upside down and move the sofa’s and mop. Kids at their best.

Stupid fights with my sister

Need i say more?

Hair

Get ready for some history!

For my early childhood, I had the cutest boy cut. I was adorable and you knew it.

Next was the customary fountain pony stage. Everyone commented on it.

After this, I don’t remember what cut i had. But then i remember i had shoulder length hair and i made my dad cut me bangs because my friend did it.

Then my hair grey in various stages. After it was pretty long (but not so long), i decided to get a step cut. I moved to another place and cut my hair short again. Then i grew it once more. Then i got side bangs.

And then i cut it VERY short. It was manic pixie and i loved-hated it. I didn’t quite have the handle on my hair yet and puberty but i loved short hair.

From then, every year I’d go on another crazy cut. I’d have crazy impulses and do it all over.

Then one year, I decided to shave half my head!That was by far the best idea yet because I hadn’t asked my parents yet! —- My dad walked in on my sister doing the deed and he freaked out. The next day, I loved it and the begrudgingly they accepted it.

That was the early days of this year. From then, I’ve gone through an extreme want for blunt bangs but i have controlled myself. But as my personality and hair cutting impulses always shine through, I’m about to cut my hair this week! So.Excited.

About my shaved head, well, i’m still growing out of it and it is currently in the spiky weird stage and needs gel. I don’t regret it for once second.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————–

It is now 04:25 and i don’t see the point of sleeping.

(that’s probably the hair cut I’m getting)

I know that sometimes life doesn’t really go the way we wanted it to go. But rather than where we are, It’s the journey that mattered. Never forget who you were because you owe your current self to that person. And never be ashamed, because life is not a thing to be ashamed about! Life is to be lived and cherished! So don’t waste these moments.

[By now, I’ve been awake too long to form coherent thoughts. It’s time to sleep. The drugs have been exhausted.]

Whatever it may be, know that i was writing this with a smile.

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we might be hollow, but we’re brave

Meet me, resident crazy person with great hair to party in the spoils of life, yo!

\m/

What’s your favorite tattoo?

Oh wow brilliant first question, because I don’t have one yet! Probably the Nautilus Circle tattoo on Cosima in Orphan Black or the seahorse tattoo in that* film.

Do you still know any nursery rhymes?

Yeah! My favorite one goes, “He went to bed and crashed his head and never got up?”

Which film makes you cry?

The book thief, duh! Also, Taare zameen par (stars on the ground) – every-time! I’m not a huge cryer- but that film gets me sobbing every time.

What beauty product can you not live without?

Kohl?

What’s your earliest memory?

Sitting on a swing in a blue frock with polka dots while my grand-dad pushed me…

Where in the world are you the happiest?

The library! Or a book shop. Any place with books basically! Or in my bed with my laptop at night….

How would your best friend describe you in three words?

Funny, stupid and eccentric! (I cheated on this one- I asked my friend who basically lives in my house! -get out! (just kidding))

What’s your favorite meal?

Pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza!.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?

Um… Tim Burton, Maggie Steifvater, Rainbow Rowell, Ned Vizzini, Stephen Chobosky.. .Not to forget, The Doctor, and Donna! and River, and Emily Dickinson and Vincent Van Gogh. And maybe Queen Elizabeth. And Felix aka Pewss for funny!

Do you play any instruments?

Haha! Nope. I can’t control my limbs.

If you could be a superhero for a day, who would you be?

Superman, yeah probably Superman. I’d also like to be Tauriel from The Hobbit. Or my own brand of drug induced superhero.

What’s your life motto?

Everything Calvin and Hobbes.

What’s your dream film role?

Sherlock Holmes. Basically anyone who is dead sexy smart.

If you were a Disney princess, who would you be?

I’m Rapunzel.

Who is your favorite artist?

Last I remember, Vincent Van Gogh. I wish I went to more galleries.

What is your favorite smell?

That’s easy. My mum’s smell after work when she’s put her ‘Charlie’ perfume. I love that smell. It makes me feel really safe.

What does your star sign say about you?

That I’m cynical, inquisitive, charmer, good with people, analytical, blah blah blah.

When you were younger, which television or film star did you want to be?

It was always either Kiara from Lion king 2 or Mowgli from Jungle Book. It was my life’s ambition to eat those seedless mangoes till reality betrayed me.

How do you define happiness?

Er, living in the moment and not being aware and just being exhilarated, much like being on drugs.

Biker and denim jacket?

Biker.

Instagram or Twitter?

Instagram.

Hair up or hair down?

Hair down.

Trainers or heels?

Trainers

What is one thing you regret?

Not making the most out of things. I regret being afraid of the bouncy castle my entire childhood but in the last 10 minutes, I regret hearing and reading about things and not doing anything about them despite wanting to. I regret being sleepy all the time and having a idgaf attitude and loosing all the million opportunities I could have had. *Sigh*

What is the best thing about these questions?

I feel like I’m getting to know myself as a third person, and I like that. It’s also flattering to have the subject of these questions to be about me.

*the tattoo is from the movie Hitman and it’s actually a dragon.

The premise of this post is that I am interviewing myself with questions from a Cara Delevingne British Vogue interview. This is partly to feel self important but to also signify that I am as interesting a person as a model turned actress turned beatboxer(?).

I suppose i consider this post to be a satirical view on the fluff around celebrities and the importance we give to them and the desire we have to know so much about them, bordering on obsession.

This is a contrast, between the Cara Delevingne, famous perfect person and me, unknown crazy person and the difference in interest levels when either of us answers these questions.

I’d like to end this post admitting that I too am prey to the spiked interest in many celebrities that the norm in the world at all times. But i am also interested in the unknown millions of persons.

So go ahead, interview yourself, after all, you’re almost famous!

girls with heads inside their dreams

That’s who i am.

I live in my head. I think all day. I carry a kitty in my pocket. And i randomly shave parts of my head.

Sometimes, i paint comic strips on my wall. Sometimes, i make crack brownies in the middle of the night. Sometimes, I run off for an extra’s casting call across the city and enter stranger’s cars.

I’m the one who impulsively and annually gets a crazy hair cut. I’m the one who imagines being Scarlet Witch while walking down the street. I’m the one who writes my graduation speech, the night after graduation day.

I’m quite small and I’m still taking my baby steps. I don’t know how to make my decisions but I’m still making them. I’m aiming for the stars so i can land on the tree tops.

I’m both clueless and infatuated with plenty of things at the same time. I don’t believe there will be a time where i will be sure of what i want to do because there are so many amazing things in life and i can’t imagine not doing all of them. But like the Robert Frost poem says,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
This blog is about my stoner days, about my cray-cray delusions, about my thoughts on how i view this world on sleepless nights and with starving brains.
Stay. Have a biscuit.

you buy me orange juice

“We’re not God’s children, we’re not fairy tale characters in a true love book, we dance like mother fuckers so the grass can’t grow underfoot.”